Love Vs. Infatuation: Telling The Difference
La Verne Metcalfe, Detroit
Dear La Verne: The essay you`ve asked me to rerun is one of the most frequently requested. I`m pleased to publish it again. Thanks for asking.
Is It Love or Infatuation?
Infatuation is instant desire-one set of glands calling to another.
Love is friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time.
Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream. Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you-to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his presence, even when he is away. Miles do not separate you. You want him near. But near or far, you know he is yours and you can wait.
Infatuation says, ``We must get married right away. I can`t risk losing him.`` Love says, ``Be patient. He is yours. Plan your future with
Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. Whenever you are in one another`s company, you are hoping it will end in intimacy. Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers.
Infatuation lacks confidence. When he`s away, you wonder if he`s cheating. Sometimes you check. Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. He feels your trust and it makes him even more trustworthy. Infatuation might lead you to do things you`ll regret later, but love never will.
Love lifts you up. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person than you were before.
Dear Ann Landers: A while back you praised Canadians for being so honest. There are plenty of honest people in the United States, too. Here`s my story. Several years ago, my family and I were traveling through Minnesota. We stopped at a restaurant in a small town for breakfast. The waitress didn`t give us a check, so my brother asked her what we owed. She looked puzzled and asked, ``What did you have to eat?`` The two of them figured out the cost.
As my brother turned away, he asked, ``Don`t you give customers a bill?`` ``No,`` she replied. ``Our prices are posted on the chalkboard up there and we figure our customers can add up their own bill.``
From that day on, my brother has said, ``I wish I`d been born and raised in Minnesota. Those people are the salt of the Earth.``
Margaret Berryman, N.Y.
Dear Margaret: That goes for the neighboring states, too-the country`s heartland. I`m proud to be a Midwesterner.
Gem of the Day: Anyone who believes that the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been in a supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line.
When planning a wedding, who pays for what? Who stands where? ``The Ann Landers Guide for Brides`` has all the answers. Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $3.65 (this includes postage and handling) to: Brides, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, Ill. 60611-0562. (In Canada, send $4.45.)
Show MoreSometimes what you think is true love, especially when you’re young, might not turn out to be the perfect romance you dreamed of or imagined. William Shakespeare's play Romeo and Juliet tells the story of two young star-crossed lovers, Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet. They come from two different feuding families, but their unfaltering affection ends with a fair amount of tragedy on both sides. There is no question of their unconditional dedication, but there is one of if this love really just stems from lust. You can’t fall in love in a day or come in and out of it so quickly, making their “love” a simple young infatuation.
Feelings of lust can be initiated at the first meeting of two people, sometimes immediately. This is true for…show more content…
93-100) Meaning that the initial thing Romeo and Juliet noticed about each were their physical attributes, such as their hands and then their lips. Being highly focused on someone’s body or looks at first meeting is a definite sign of lust, and the first things they say to each other when they meet are comments on their appearance which doesn’t suggest love as much as desire. The same applies to real life relationships, as writer and psychologist Judith Orloff states, “In the early stage of a relationship, lust is fueled by idealization and projection--you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be--rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all.” (Page 1) This helps to prove that Romeo and Juliet rushed their relationship based on immediate lust and desire and didn’t see each other completely. Actually throughout the majority of the play, they talked very briefly and the times they did were also short or cut off. Despite this, the two claim to be nothing short of in love with each other, which isn’t real love considering they barley know each other as people.
Young lovers have almost always been the same throughout history, hormones eventually take over and so do feelings of lust, leading them so make even more rash decisions and think less about what they’re doing. Romeo and Juliet are no different in this, which can be especially seen with Juliet in her candidly sexual soliloquy as she wonders, “Oh, I have bought the mansion of a love, But not possessed